Erlend's semi-curated nonsense

Star Trek (2009) Review - 32 reasons why it sucks

Last night I saw the new Star Trek movie, I’ve seen all the episodes of all the shows between 2-7 times each, so of course I need to watch this movie to..

Remembering how much Nemesis sucked, I was determined to have no expectations to the movie, just in case it turned out to be crap. But around 1 week ago I got to see like 25 minutes of the movie while at Fedcon, and then I got pretty exited, it looked really good and funny.

Startrek 2009

Unfortunately those 25 minutes contained everything that was good in the movie, and the rest 1.5 hours SUCKED.

I really hate the new Star Trek movie, it is by far the worst Star Trek movie (that includes such travesties as Star Trek 3, 5 and Nemesis).

The movie has NO Star Trek feeling over it what so ever.. The Movie is BORING and the plot is semi-retarded.

The movie is a Bland Cookie cutter action movie dressed up like Trek.

Note (I’m not a grumpy old guy who only likes TOS, and says there can be NO action in Star Trek).. I really LOVE TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT and First contact, Battlestar, Stargate, and those have lots of action (but not mindless action with poor plots)

  1. The score/theme song is by far the worst ever, and I felt embarrassed every time it played.
  2. All the aliens have human personalities, the Vulcans, the Romulans, none of these act any different from humans.
  3. Bad guys with tribal tattoos on their face is not cool.. Just ask Mike Tyson.
  4. Even though being packed with action, it still manages to be boring as hell
  5. Boring CGI, for example the ice planet monster was crappy, but the ships were OK (exterior)
  6. The pitiful attempt to copy Battlestar Galacticas shaky camera for ship shots was really badly implemented
  7. Most of the humor did not really seem at home in the movie
  8. It is not Star Trek, it is just a mindless Hollywood action movie.
  9. A simple and boring ending
  10. The actors did NOT do a good job portraying the characters (Except for Mccoy which was excellent, and to some degree Kirk).
  11. Bad guy with a grudge trying to kill the hero (Does ST:II or Nemesis ring a bell?)
  12. Going back in time to destroy the federation? cough First Contact cough
  13. Why would Nero destroy the federation? He wants the future Romulans to get wiped out by the Borg, the Dominion, Species 8472 or the Sphere builders?
  14. A supernova that threatens the galaxy? That is like having a exploding car in London threatening people in New York..
  15. Being that close to a black hole would tear the atoms the ships were made of apart.. Not sending them back trough time in one piece.
  16. Spock setting Kirk out to probably die on a frozen moon, nice job portraying Spock and the enterprise crew.
  17. Scotty killing admiral Archers dog? WTF?!
  18. Scotty working with a Oompa-Loompa in a Ent costume?
  19. Making Spock and Uhura make out just for no reason what so ever except pleasing the 16 year olds in the audience.
  20. Why did the Federation suddenly loose sensor technology? They have great sensors in Enterprise/TOS.. In this movie they cant even see a second ahead while at warp (gigantic overpowered Romulan mining ships, allied Starfleet ships, debris or weapons fire)
  21. Vulcan children making fun of each other and fighting..
  22. Magical supernova that travels faster than light
  23. Using a black hole to collapse a supernova makes no sense
  24. Why is Nero so upset at Spock, it’s not like Spock caused that magical supernova, he just failed to help.
  25. And since when was it the Federations job to safeguard the Romulan Star Empire from natural disasters anyhow?
  26. When he got back in time, why not do something worth doing, like save those Romulans from being pwned by the supernova?
  27. That scene with Simon Pegg in the water tubes was like something out of Spy Kids, totally lame.
  28. The movie exists in a parallel reality to the established Star Trek universe.. So why would anyone give a rats ass about what happens in it? We all know Spocks mother was not killed, and that Vulcan is doing fine.
  29. Starfleet ships are ships of exploration.. The new ones are ridiculously over armed compared to all other series.
  30. Detonating warp cores between the ship would not move the ship since the matter antimatter explosion would produce only energy, no moving mass that could propel the ship.. The best they could hope for was to be fried with EM radiation. The ship also went to warp after ejecting it’s warp cores (Federation ships only have one).
  31. Building a Starship the size of the Enterprise on Earth’s surface in gravity is just silly.
  32. Even if you DID build Enterprise on the surface, a constitution class starship can not operate in a class-m planets lower atmosphere. So there would be no way to get the ship into space

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